You know you live in Kosrae when..., the wonders of capitalism at Dollar Up, other random sources of amusement

Inspired by several recent experiences/revelations, I decided to compile a brief checklist. If any of the following things have happened to you recently, then reach for an atlas! You may very well be living in Kosrae:

+You open your vitamin bottle in order to find that your vitamins are covered with mold.

+You become unexplainably excited when you realize that you haven't eaten white rice in 24 hours.

+You wake up one morning to the old, familiar, persistent blare of your alarm clock. You roll over and reluctantly open your eyes, finding yourself staring a large cockroach in the face. (He's on the inside of the mosquito net, by the way.) Your first thought is: "Dammit. Is it time for work already??"

+When you somehow miraculously manage to get cold, you're really stoked!

+You've started to become tired of eating fresh-from-the-sea lobster and crab all the time.

+You begin to wonder: "why don't any English words start with 'sr' or 'ng'??"

+You find sliced bread on the island and have an ensuing party for yourself.

+You know what a sea cucumber is (believe it or not, not a food or an innuendo).

*************************************************************************************
Let me begin by stating that, at the moment, I don't feel that I'm up to the daunting task of putting the incredibleness(?) that is Dollar Up into words. It's almost as presumptuous an undertaking as endeavoring to explain human nature/the meaning of it all/etc. My first visit blew my mind almost the way Harrod's did, but in very different ways.
Anyway, my favorite thing about this retail outpost is the names of the products one can buy there. For Christmas, I bought a fellow a PCV a toy called the "Miraculous Happy Dog." Honestly, how could you not shell out for a product entitled the "Miraculous Happy Dog"?? Another wondrous plastic contraption, next to the dog on the shelf, bore the missive: "every styles fully wonderful." Sounds good enough for me! My very favorite Dollar Up product, however, has to be a certain powder detergent. Now, I've grown rather accustomed to interesting uses of my native tongue here, but still, imagine my surprise when I picked up the detergent next to the machine to find that I was doing my laundry with White Power detergent. Who knew a laundry soap could be an argument for better social studies/English education in youngsters?

*************************************************************************************
Last but not least: other random amusing shit.
I was at a New Year's picnic the other week (hey, we like to stretch the holidays out here) when the grill we were using caught on fire. Apparently there was no water around, as people started (futilely) pouring their sodas on it in an effort to quelch the flames. To no avail. This only made the fire rage more. Then the guy who'd been barbequing tipped his beer on it. The fire was out like that.
All kidding aside for a second, diabetes is a HUGE health problem here on Kosrae. Thus, there have been many ensuing public health campaigns in order to fight this trend. Anyway, for New Year's, all of us PCVs went out to dinner at the nicest restaurant on the island. Our eyes were all aglow when they came to rest on the tantalizing menu. Very excited about my first restaurant meal in weeks/months/I really don't know, I ordered curry for dinner and chocolate cake for dessert. As we were eating our dinners, the waitress came out to ask me about my dessert.
"Do you want chocolate sauce or caramel on it?"
"How about both!" I excitedly replied.
"Oh!! Kom ac diabetes!" ["You're going to get diabetes!"] she delightedly exclaimed.
Best part of this story? She's not the first person on Kosrae to tell me I'm going to get diabetes. Ah, what a way to ring in the new year.

*************************************************************************************